A new text message from Alejandro suddenly popped up on my phone. It wasn’t the first, since we’ve been friends for at least three years by now, but my heart beat heavily nonetheless. I opened the conversation to see what he had written. A string of messages popped up.
“dude”
“r u awake”
“my parents wanna celebrate new years w ur family”
“there’s fireworks @ the park near the forest”
“you coming”
I sprung up from my bed and stared at the messages intently. It wasn’t often that people have asked me to hang out, but this time I had an excuse: I was going out with my family. I detested fireworks, but I really wanted an excuse to hang out with him. Of course, I couldn’t tell my family now, since it was midnight and I was at my mother’s apartment complex. I just sent one message to him:
“lemme ask”
I don’t understand why I was freaking out so much. He probably already asked Rey to hang out — those guys are basically inseparable — and I was definitely just asked because I was in the neighborhood. Three years. Three years and I haven’t been able to get rid of my feelings for him. Three years and the only one who knows about it is Rey.
I am an awful coward.
But it’s better to say nothing than to get harshly rejected.
I turned off my phone, put it on my bedside table, and waited to fall asleep. There’s no use in mourning something that will never happen. Also, he dated my stepsister, so it would be awestrickingly awkward to go after him after they broke up. He liked girls that are outgoing and cheery like her.
He liked girls like her.
He liked girls.
Not me.
Sometimes I wonder why he even bothers texting me.
That awful pit in my stomach that has been here since forever kept growing, and I cried myself to sleep just like every other night.
The best part about Christmas is when all the guests leave and you can finally sleep in peace. It was about one in the morning when everyone finally left and I got to go to my sweet sleep haven (thank God, I was honestly going to have a meltdown). An odd dream came to me on this particular night, however.
It was in the cafe down the street from my father’s house —its name was Coffee Break or something like that, I don’t remember it— and I went to sit down at one of the tables. I must have been waiting for someone because I was drinking my black coffee for a couple of minutes. Rey went to sit down next to me.
“Yven!” he said, “I’m so glad you waited for me.”
“Why’d I bother coming all the way over here just to not wait for you?” I replied.
We then had a conversation that wasn’t anything out of the ordinary —I also don’t remember that part— until our voices suddenly fell silent. It happens often that we run out of things to say and just enjoy each other’s company, but this time, it was eerily silent. Suddenly, his eyes filled with fear and despair, something that I thought was unfamiliar to this guy until that moment.
“Yven, I don’t have much time, but there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.” He suddenly blurts out.
The entire decor collapses as he continues on his rambles:
“In a couple of days, you’ll probably get a call that I am dead. I want you to know that it wasn’t a suicide, nor a murder, nor natural causes.”
Slightly concerned and even more panicked, I asked him: “What do you mean? What’s going on? You’re scaring me, Rey.”
“You’ll receive it in due time.”
The last words I heard in that dream —heck, the last words I heard from Rey— before his head went up in confettis, which made me wake up in a cold sweat.
“What the hell was that?” I wondered.
It didn’t take long for me to find out exactly what he meant.
December 31st. My parents were trying their best to get the twins to dress up, while I was still absent mindedly looking at my reflection in the mirror. I prepared myself mentally to go out —as one always does— but it still felt like I wasn’t ready. Conversation isn’t my best quality so I usually stay quiet when hanging around big groups of people. This time however, I couldn’t just be quiet and let someone else lead the conversation, since Rey said he couldn’t come because he got sick a week ago. Obviously, this concerned me greatly since that nightmare I had on Christmas, however I couldn’t go check up on him since I got back from my mother’s apartment the day before, late at night.
My step-sister bumped into me and whispered: “This could be a chance for me to get him back. If you fuck this up, I swear I’ll-”
“Yven! Betty!” screamed my step-mother, "if you don’t come to the door right now, we’re leaving without y’all.”
“Coming!” we both yell back in unison.
Compared to her daughter, Ms. Wildberry is a sweet woman with kindness in her heart. We all left and met up with Alejandro’s family at the park. There were a ton of people there to see the fireworks. I’ve heard them go off a couple of times before; I never knew there was an event there, though. We pick up Alejandro’s family and we all talk together. I listen to Alejandro speak (and also was admiring his beauty when he wasn’t looking) while Betty was also trying to converse with him in the friendliest manner she can manage to have.
When we arrived at the park, the immense crowd made me realize I might have made a mistake.
“Wanna get out of here?” Alejandro asked me, while I was starting to freak out because of the amount of people there.
“Bet.” I retorted.
I’ll be completely honest, I really thought he’d never ask. The fireworks start in about 20 minutes and the crowd is absolutely buzzing with anticipation. Before I could add anything to my previous statement, Alejandro grabbed my hand and ran with me through the crowd while leading me somewhere. His hand on mine almost made my heart fall out of my rib cage — I thought he’d lead me there without any sort of physical altercation whatsoever. I wasn’t particularly against this gesture, in fact, I was more than ecstatic. Fortunately, my constant stoic expression made him suspect nothing.
He had dragged me for quite a long time, so long in fact, that we ended up being in the middle of a hiking path. I thought that would be the end of our escapade, but he went out of the dirt path to walk through branches, moss and snow. Finally, he let go of my hand, swiped off the small amount of snow on a huge rock and gestured for me to sit next to him. It was a calm and secluded place, and we could still hear people screaming in the park from rather far away. If it was anyone else, I’d probably think he would have brought me here to kill me and keep the body hidden. With Alejandro, however…
We both sat down, basking in each other’s presence and not speaking while trying to get our breath back from all the running.
“So, uh…” he started, while reaching for something on his right side. He pulled out two bottles of alcohol and handed me one. “Want one?” he said to me.
I’ve never drank in my life. In other circumstances, I definitely would’ve rejected the offer. But this time, it was the most beautiful man I’ve met in my life offering to bond over some drinks. How could I refuse?
We drank and we laughed while reminiscing about past memories. Of course, I was getting a little tipsy, but I made sure not to drink too much so I wouldn’t wake up with an intense headache the next day. His skin contrasted the night, while mine contrasted the moonlight.
-You know, I blurted, I’m really glad you brought us out here. I absolutely hate fireworks!
- Why’d you tag along, then?, he asked me.
I felt the blood rushing to my face as I tried finding an excuse that wasn’t “I really wanted to look at your face and spend time with you because I am madly in love with you”.
-Can’t find anything, huh?
He got closer to my face, his eyes piercing through mine. He was teasing me on purpose, and all I could do was laugh nervously like an idiot.
-I… uh… well…
-Stuttering now, aren’t you?
He’s never acted like this before. Does he know how I feel about him? Maybe he is trying to embarrass me? Maybe it’s all platonic flirting like he usually does with his friends?
The countdown for the fireworks had started, signaling the soon to be start of the new year. Alejandro got even closer to my face, his breath smelling like alcohol touching my skin as I tried to find somewhere else to put my eyes.
-Yven, he said, I’m not sure if I’d tell you this if we were anywhere else, so I’d like to confess without an audience present.
-Oh? And what’s that you wanna confess so badly? I replied, my stomach twirling in every single way possible.
There were two ways he could continue this sentence, and at this point, I was unsure which one he’d choose.
He shook his head back, leaving me almost breathless from the tension that we had a couple seconds again.
-I love you, Yven. I didn’t want anyone else to know. I thought I was confused, but…
My heart skipped a beat. Did he really mean that?
-I don’t want to hide my feelings for you anymore. I needed to get it off my chest. I didn’t wanna tell you while sober because I feel like I’d ruin our friendship, he continued. I… I felt like I’d ruin myself.
-It’s fine if you don’t love me back, I won’t hate you for it. It’s just-
-Of course I love you back, I answered softly. I’ve been in love for such a long time I thought I’d just have to die with this feeling!
Our eyes met and, for the first time in three years I felt full. For the first time, he was the one who turned his head away, embarrassed.
I brought his face back towards me. I wanted to inspect every single aspect of his facial features.
He put his hand on my thigh and approached his face towards mine. My heart was pouncing off of my chest. I thought I’d have to bury my feelings for him deep inside and get this secret to my grave. I thought I’d never stand as near as we were right now.
We gave each other one last look while our lips brushed each other. There wasn’t anything else that mattered in that moment. His hand went up a little further while my stomach turned with excitement.
We kissed each other under the fireworks light.
Created: Dec 28, 2024